Wednesday, June 20, 2007


That's right it's the 20th of June, I feel an emotional wreck because I'm almost about to bleed (oh and and a few other reasons mixed in with the hormones makes for a most powerful cocktail). Knowing that PMS is one of the reasons I feel this way doesn't make me feel any less emotional.

I would happily curl up in a little warm hole in the earth today and cry till the world ended.... I'll probably feel that way till I see red when everything will be fixed.

If anyone speaks to me about FTJ or fulltime jobs or uni or what I want to do with my life or making money.... I think I might get rather scary or honest. Thinking about it, being honest would make me feel a whole heap better!

I want to stop... just stop... so i can cook, garden, love others, create, write... all in a little house on the side of mountain and forget midwifery as a 'job' and start it all over again when I get to the point of loving it again. I wish i could pursue midwifery without working in hospital. I want to stop feeling stuck and unable to get out of the mess FTJ is in... but I'm so stuck I'm afraid to do what I need to do to put it right again. I feel frozen. I'm afraid of working as a midwife next year, I don't want to work as a midwife next year. I want my family to know how stuck I feel... instead of being told I'm just not using my time effectively and being slack.

There are those moments you just want to quit.....


At 12:13 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh Laura. It sure doesn't help you overcome your glum feelings simply by acknoledging pms , does it? Agreed. It's still real.
On the topic of you wanting to give up.
I think everyone does at some point. But you know what? you are one of the few midwives who puts their heart and soul into it. You dive in deeper than everyone else. Its not just a job for you, its a passion, a critical part of why you're alive. Don't lose it!! Ultimately I know you won't.. But be encouraged. I think you have a real good capacity for changing things about the norms and procedures of midwifery that you don't like. I admire how much you have gotten into this. How involved in your study you have become, and how important this is to you. Its not just a course to you, and that's so great!! Everyone, take a lesson off Laura.
I think you're amazing.

At 7:50 AM, Blogger Meika said...

hey laura. i think it is a wonderful dream to want to do the simple things. cook, garden, create. can i live next door to your beautiful little house on the side of a mountain?

you inspire me Lor. :)

At 2:44 PM, Blogger FireBird said...

Hello, it's a strange thing that a natural part of making new life involves feeling like crap. I feel for you, especially as my girl's going through the same thing (yeah, it's annoying - very, and I thought I was compassionate and tolerant!!)

Vas byt. xxx

At 8:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

How lovely to know someone else is feeling the same way as me. this week I emerged out of the worst exam of my life. I fully expect to fail " water systems" what I was planning on making a career out of. I felt like giving up and making a career change to a demographer or anything else.
I feel for you, I empathise.
Careers are important, they are what we spend days and years working at.I've spent several years thinking a career was were If ound fulifillment. It would be decide where I lived, who i spent my life with ( or didn't), and what a did in my spare time...... but of late I've realised a career is not a life.
Hang in there, you'll make a lovely midwife whether in six months, 18 months or ten years from now.

Love you depth Laura....


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