Choosing

(by Mesa Verdeoak)

Changes! Life is rolling along, it's third year, final year of all this study! I don't feel ready to be in final year. Placement is coming up in a little less than two weeks, and some how yet again with all the good intentions of doing better at keeping on track with study, it hasn't happened. To be honest I'm about 4 weeks behind in one online unit and 3 weeks behind in another... and I'm cramming it in. Yes, a strange thing to do to the subject you have a passion for I know!

I almost, almost decided to go part time a few days ago and add one more year on to my course and slow things down a little. In fact I came home on Monday afternoon certain I wanted go part time and being home alone I cranked up the music and danced around in pure relief. The feeling didn't last long.

After swinging back and forth over it I've chosen to take a deep breath and run with full time and finish and be registered in 2008. The feelings of readiness are not deeply felt ... but that's what placements are for! And uni has been very generous with the amount of time we have on placements in final year - sixteen weeks!

Knowing I could have gone part time but having chosen to stick it out, makes me feel more committed to this year..... not long not long now! I need to remember that! And remember that most of my real learning will come in the first few years after my course is over.

So today has been spent studying trying to catch up, and curled up with a hot waterbottle. Talking of changes I just realized my cycle has dropped from a 29 to a 27 day cycle over the past three months. Being overwhelmed by uni and a few other major changes in my life I hadn't been tracking things as I normally would have. When I bled today it was quite a shock, not only had I not noticed any of the usual signs leading up to it, but it felt so soon to the time before. Don't ask me why I didn't pick up on the major emotional swings related to deciding to go part time or not as having anything to with coming close to bleeding! Heheh! So I sat down and worked back, sure enough it had only been 27 days since the last time, twill be interesting to see if the pattern will hold or not.

Another change I've made is deciding to cut out highly processed foods over the time I bleed in. I'm curious to see if it will make a difference. Bleeding is a time of shedding and letting go and I think it's a perfect time to clear out other parts of my body too. I desperately wanted chips and chocolate this afternoon.... but remembered my plan just before I cracked open the MilkyWay bar! Carrot sticks and nectarines... here I come.

Oh and before I forget the other change I've been meaning to write about on here....I got my nose pierced about 7 weeks ago, with a very small jeweled stud in the left nostril. I love it! And have wanted it for 4 years so I thought it was about time to get it done.