Red Cloth

To my absolute horror the single cloth pad from Wemoon arrived in the mail very shortly after ordering it, just in time for my next cycle.

At this stage of the journey part of me was very willing to try anything different, yet I had all sorts of reservations screaming in my head, mostly to do with the fact that I'd have to wash them, and touch my blood. I was not into that idea at all! I was also concerned at their size and how thick they were, and if they'd move around.

On arrival the size was nothing to worry about, I'd ordered a small size, slim pad in ruby red, it was the same length as a 'normal' pad, 20 cm long, and THIN! Now they're certainly not as thin as ultra slim pads which are what now?... about 2mm thin? But they are thin, only 0.5cm!

Besides my feelings related to washing out the blood I was almost giddy with a stupid excitement steming from the fact that I was about to use something that wasn't white for the first time ever. It was red, beautiful burgandy! It was special to have something beautiful linked to my menstruation.

So I wore it! And I liked it, I liked it a lot!

It was super comfortable, certinaly it wasn't as un-noticable as the nearly non-existant, thin things one can buy and chuck away, but it didn't feel bulky. It didn't slide around one little bit, didn't show under my clothes (but then I'm not one who wears supper tight pants, but my jeans are fitted and they don't show at all)..... then I came to washing it.

Washing has been a big part of my Red Tent journey.

A little wad of cloth made me come face to face with my blood. Oh, I'd seen the blood before but this.... this was different. It wasn't sucked deep into some super absorbent core, this blood was red and shining. There was a lot of it. It looked alive, and as I touched it to washed it out and away, the feelings that welled up were overpowering. Grief came out of no where and I cried for having felt ashamed of bleeding, I cried for seeing my bleeding as a burden not a miracle. The crying continued but only because it was so relieving to feel my bleeding was good. The crying soon turned to awe. Awe at the amazing way God's created women's bodies to be a life creating place, to be fertile, to cycle through preparing, breaking down and starting again.

And so cloth pads helped me to find a new view. I can't describe in words what it means to me to be a woman and love it so incredibly much, to bleed and smile a secret smile when I think of what my body is created to do. I love my cycling body! I love how it reflects what God does in my life, renewing me, removing the old self, cleaning away and building newness. It just keeps going, just like God!

Loving my cycling body hasn't changed the fact that I have cramps that run from my lower back to my knees, or that I can be such a klutz when I bleed..... but in loving the fact that I do bleed it has made accepting the discomfort an acceptable thing. Pain mixed with pleasure is a crazy mystery.

I read something once that really resonates with my bleeding experience, “You can not heal until you feel it.”

Sam you asked me about where you get cloth pads. There are so many different types! All-in-ones, pockets with insertable liners, with water proof backing, without waterproof backing, hemp, cotton, organic cotton, fleece... the list goes on. I brought Wemoon Pads from Yoni.com. An Australian woman has put together an idex of all the sorts of pads availiable for sale in Australia, go here.

I think there are a few Organic/health stores which sell them too. They do cost $$$ initially but pay for themselves pretty quick. I get by with five small slims, two medium slims, and three liners for midcycle ; ) all in ruby red, pink and purple!